Being a Good Listener

Overview | Questions | Tools | Evaluation | Next Steps


Overview

The apostle James is pretty clear about what our priorities should be when speaking and listening to others: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). This is especially true in a small-group setting. Whether we are leaders or members, facilitators or hosts, we all need to abide by that mandate.

Therefore, listening skills are a vital component of healthy and fruit-filled communities. The following resources can help those in your small-groups ministry improve their ability to listen well.


Questions

Whether improving your skills individually or training other people, use these discussion questions to introduce the topic of Listening Well.

* In your opinion, what are the main characteristics of a good listener? What characteristics or habits would disqualify someone from being a good listener?

* Who are some people in your life that you would categorize as good listeners? What is it like to be around them?

* When it comes to listening well, what do you find most difficult? Why?

* What comes naturally to you in terms of listening to others?


Tools

The resources below provide expert advice and practical tips for improving your skills as a listener (and the skills of others in your small-groups ministry). They have been divided into three stages to help you progress through the training at the pace you choose. Stage One contains basic tips for listening well. Stage Two addresses specific listening skills and situations. And Stage Three highlights our premium downloadable content, which offers the most in-depth look at the skill of listening well.

Stage One

1. Listening Repaired
Wisdom from the Book of Proverbs that can help you listen well
By Kathleen Miller

2. 10 Ways to Be a Better Listener
Follow these steps for greater understanding, attention, and empathy.
By Michael Mack

Stage Two

1. Hearing Aids for Small-Group Leaders
Why listening is such a valuable tool for those of us in charge
By Cathy Mogus

2. Good Questions Show Good Listening
Learn to understand people and help them understand themselves.
By Doug Self

3. Having a Good Cry
Learn to deal openly and honestly with strong emotions in your small group.
By Brooke B. Collison

4. Icebreaker: Gestures
Let members speak without saying a word.
By Tami Rudkin

5. Outreach Options: Glancing Behind the Mask
Give someone an opportunity to feel safe enough to take off his or her mask.
By Sue Skalicky

Stage Three

This resource is designed to improve listening skills for both small-group leaders and members. The articles provide training on basic listening skills and the ways in which those skills can be applied in a small-group setting.

The following handouts from Becoming a Great Listener are especially useful:

* Preparing to Listen, by Joel Comiskey—highlights three skills that allow us to make the most of every conversation.

* Self Awareness in Listening, by Emma J. Justes—helps us understand stereotypes and prejudices that can impede us from hearing others properly.

* What Are You Trying to Say? by Pat J. Sikora—a very useful chart for organizing and translating different methods of body language.

Evaluation

Am I Listening Well?
Use this interactive assessment to evaluate your own listening skills, or as a place to start the conversation when training others.

Next Steps

The following resources can further your ability to listen well.

Go Deeper with God
One of the ways we can improve our listening skills within a small group is to apply those skills to our relationship with God. In other words, quieting ourselves to listen for God's Spirit will bring us the dual benefit of helping us listen more closely to others in the group, as well.


Getting Along with People
This five-session course emphasizes that we need to love by both our words and actions. That requires giving our lives to God and learning to say no to things that don't fit into our priorities. It involves learning to communicate lovingly and showing gratitude to God and others.

Source: http://www.smallgroups.com/articles/smallgroupsindepth/listeningwell.html?start=2